Holding Pattern

That is what I feel like Chris and I are in right now.

The holidays have come and gone and the new year is in full swing. For the first time this weekend Chris and I have felt that we are just sitting here waiting for something great to happen in our lives.

I had the miscarriage on Thanksgiving while we were on vacation. So once we got home things were just crazy with holiday festivities. We never really had time to really stop and think about what had happened to us. Now time has caught up with us and we feel like we are just stuck. Life seems to be on hold while we wait for my cycle to do what it needs to. Did I ever mention that I am not good at waiting? Hopefully it will be just a few more weeks and we can thaw out the 2 embryos we have in storage and try to get prego again.

I am so ready to be a mother. I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to become one of those bitter women I see on fertility message boards. You know the ones who are always crying "why me????". It is like they get angry at every pregnant woman they see. Please God never let me be one of those ladies. I know the lord has a plan for Chris and I. I understand that it may be something that we never expected. Like a surrogate Mother or Adoption. I am just ready to find out what that is. So this is the time that I will lean on the Lord. The time when I feel I can't do it myself is the time that my faith will grow deeper.

So I will stay in this holding pattern knowing that our plane will land one day. But I just can't help but to keep looking out the window and hoping it will be soon.